@flo   3 months ago visitor: 135   follow: 0   favorite: 1

What does it mean to accept myself the way I am?

It cannot mean to just follow my impulses in every given situation. If I’d do that, I’d be like Bender when he became human.

Accepting myself the way I am first of all means seeing it non-judgmentally. Taking it as it is, without chastising myself for it. Otherwise I’d close my eyes to it and have a wrong perception of myself, which can mean seeing myself better or worse than I really am. Either way, it’s a bad starting point for anything.

Allowing myself to see and accept my true self, on the other hand, is a good starting point. Accepting myself the way I am should not mean I cannot change and have to be like this forever. From here, I can aspire to something, work on and with myself. But I can start this process only where I am now.

Accepting myself the way I am also means accepting that I would like to be different in some respects. Part of who I am is someone having ideals, goals, and aspirations. I will probably never fully reach them, but not pursuing them would also be denying who I am.

In fact, realizing who and what I would like to be can tell me a lot about myself. I would like to be a top triathlete, but not a top weight lifter. I’d love to be an inspiring writer, but not a poet.[1]

Maybe that is what I should see as my long-term goal. Trying my best to become more and more who I would like to be, every day a little more.[2]

A little more open, a little more kind, a little more forgiving and understanding, but also with myself.

A little less chocolate, a little more sports, but also a little less perfectionism.

A little less envy, a little less anger, but still accepting it non-judgmentally when it is there.

Patting myself on the back every time I am like I would like to be, instead of chastising myself every time I’m not. Treating myself like I am my best friend, not my worst critic.

[1] I think because endurance, steadiness and perseverence appeal more to me than impulsive force and raw power. And I find clarity in writing more appealing than obscurity and hidden layers of meaning.

[2] Well, not literally every day. That would also be denying who I am. It would be unrealistic and putting too much pressure on myself. I am not superhuman, I am human. There will continue to be bad days, setbacks, bad moods, bad tempers. But, you know, repeated improvement on average over some periods of time would be good.